Jacob and Esau, Growing up in a Disfunctional Family

Genesis 25v19-34, 27v1-28v10

2^nd September 2022

"What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet", as Romeo once said about Juliet. Is that right? Or do names matter? Johnny Cash, who sang the Shel Silverstein song, "A Boy Named Sue" might think so. Some people, who consider themselves humorous, give their children names like "Duane Pipe" or "Courtney Fish". I once knew a woman called "Teresa Green". They probably think names matter.

Isaac and Rebekah had twin boys. When they were born, the older boy was covered in hair, which is very unusual. They decided to call him "Esau", which means "hairy". How much do you think he like being called "hairy" for the rest of his life? How do you think he liked being constantly reminded that he was an unusual baby?

The younger boy was holding on to Esau's heel when they were born, so Isaac and Rebekah called him "Jacob", which means, "he grasps the heel". You might deduce that they were not particularly imaginative parents. Jacob probably didn't like being called "heel grabber" all his life. Unfortunately, "Jacob" also means "deceiver", "twister", "cheat", "swindler" but Isaac and Rebekah didn't seem to worry about that.

Esau and Jacob were very different people, and Genesis 25v28 tells us that, "Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob". As parents, we should love all our children. We might like one child more than another, but we shouldn't show it, and we should love them the same anyway. Love is an act of the will, but Isaac failed to love Jacob, and Rebekah failed to love Esau.

Esau grew up to be what some people would call "a man's man". He liked the outdoor life, perhaps because his mother didn't love him, and he became a skilled hunter, perhaps to please his father, who liked wild game. When he was 40 years old, Esau married two Hittite women, whom his mother described as "disgusting". Sometimes, you feel like you just can't win with your parents.

Jacob stayed home and grew up to be what some people might call "a mummy's boy", perhaps because he knew he couldn't please his father. Eventually, he married two sisters, each of whom had a maidservant, and he had children by all four of them. Those children became the patriarchs of the 12 tribes of Israel. Unorthodox family relationships are hardly a new thing among God's people, and they don't mean God won't bless us.

One day, Esau was out hunting, again, and Jacob was at home, again, cooking dinner. Esau came home hungry and asked for some of the stew Jacob was cooking. Jacob the swindler said, "First sell me your birthright" and, astonishingly, Esau agreed. Perhaps Esau wasn't the cleverest man on the planet. Anyway, Jacob took advantage of his brother.

This is a big deal. Esau's birthright as Isaac's first-born son was to inherit twice as much as any other child, and to be the head of the family that would become the nation that was God's chosen people. Esau gave all this away for a bowl of stew. Do you think he might have had low self-esteem? Might that be because his mother didn't love him, and because his parents called him "hairy" when they could have called him something nice, and because of all the other unkindnesses and put-downs he would have experienced in that problematic family?

Isaac was sixty years old when the twins were born. They were still young men when Isaac was so old that he's gone blind. Fearing that he might not live much longer, he wanted to give Esau the blessing that was due to a first-born son. True to form, he called Esau and told him "…hunt some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you a blessing before I die." You can see where Isaac's priorities lay. So could Esau.

Rebekah overhead this conversation so, when Esau went out to hunt, she told Jacob to steal Esau's blessing. He'd already stolen Esau's birthright. She cooked the sort of food Esau often cooked for his father, and Jacob disguised himself with animal skins so he seemed hairy like his brother, and took the food to Isaac while Esau was still away. So many families are much more broken that we realise.

Isaac, blinded by age, and perhaps not as mentally sharp as he had been, was deceived into thinking Jacob was Esau, as Rebekah had planned, and he gave Esau's blessing to Jacob. This was the blessing:

Genesis 27v27b-29
… "Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed.
May God give you heaven's dew and earth's richness — an abundance of grain and new wine.
May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you.
Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you.
May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed."

Beautiful, isn't it? Stolen, but beautiful.

When we bless each other, we're not just saying something nice, we're speaking something positive over the other person and asking God to move in that person's life. Blessings are powerful, just as prayers are powerful, especially if they're spoken by somebody with spiritual authority. Particularly, a father's blessing is valuable. Like it or not, the father is the spiritual authority in the family. If a father speaks positively about his child, that child will be affirmed and encouraged, and will grow in confidence. This is also true of a pastor or an elder in the church. Pastors and elders have spiritual authority, and an anointing from God, that makes their prayers for their church members even more powerful. If a pastor or elder speaks positively about you, you will be encouraged. If he prays for you, God will touch your life.

We should also say that if your father or your pastor speaks negatively about you, you will be discouraged and will lose self-confidence, and if your father or pastor doesn't pray for you, you'll miss out on some of God's blessing.

It didn't help Esau that his parents called him "hairy". It certainly didn't help Jacob that his parents called him "twister". If you call your children stupid or difficult, or tell them they're ugly or needy or unpopular, or tell them their wives are disgusting, you're doing the opposite of giving them a blessing; you're effectively cursing them. Please don't.

Esau knew how important a father's blessing is. When he found out how Rebekah and Jacob had deceived Isaac, and Jacob had taken Esau's blessing as well as his birthright, Genesis 27v34 says, "he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, ‘Bless me – me too, my father!" Esau was in anguish. Isaac explained that Jacob had deceived him into giving him Esau's blessing. Esau asked again, "Haven't you reserved any blessing for me?" and he wept aloud. Feel Esau's pain, the pain of a child who is not blessed by his or her parents.

If you've been on the receiving end of negative comments from your parents, or your school teachers, or your church leaders, or your supposed friends, God knows how much that has hurt you, and he wants to come to you and heal the damage they've done. God can touch your memories of the verbal abuse you've suffered, and can remove the pain, and set you free from the negativity others have laid on you. If your father or mother or pastor didn't give you their blessing, then God can come to you by the Holy Spirit and give you His blessing. He is your Father now. The church is your family now.

Esau was so hurt that he decided that, as soon as his father Isaac had died, and the period of mourning was over, he would kill Jacob. This was caused by Rebekah's willingness to show favouritism to one child over another.

Rebekah heard that Esau intended to kill Jacob, and urged Jacob to run away. She would pay a huge price for her part in deceiving Isaac and cheating Esau. Her Jacob, the apple of her eye, the only child she loved, would live in a foreign land, far away from home, for 20 years. She wouldn't see him in all that time, and there were no phones, or Zoom or Facetime then. The Bible never says she saw him again. Perhaps she never did. Sin always has consequences.

Before Jacob left home, Isaac called for him. He gave him some advice and then and he blessed him again, saying:

Genesis 28:3-4
May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples.
May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now reside as a foreigner, the land God gave to Abraham."

Finally, now that Isaac was losing his younger son, he found some love for him in his heart, and gave him a heartfelt blessing. Dear brother or sister in Christ, may God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful, in Jesus's name.

Then Jacob ran for his life.

To be continued.